Hmmm. long time no write.
i'm sorry to say that my life is getting harder from day to day ..
and i'm so sorry because i just have to write this on..
plus i know that no body is gonna read this site actually..
melainkan si nusaibah yang jarang2 nak bukak blog I.
but its okay.. saya suka nak type apa-apa travelog dalam microsoft word. tapi yang bestnya komputer saya jam soft ware tu.. jadi saya terpaksa type kat sini, bukan nak mintak simpati sesiapa.. tapi sebab saya memg kene tulis dan let it out.. just like that.. hmmm
saya rasa saya.. hypertension.. hyperdepresed dan semua la yang melibatkan tekanan..
terkini..saya sangat sangat sangat sangat cepat mengamuk..dan menyesal terus after that.. after all the yelling and shouting.. it look so silly and stupid and i never like myself that way.. never!..
now is winter.. the weather is so cold..super cold i mean..lecak is every where.. sebab lecak pon dah boleh mnyebabkan saya moody satu hari. kawan saya tak dengar saya cakap ape pon saya da boleh tarik muka.. cikgu saya nak tuka kelas pon saya da nak throw tantrum,.. gila ke..
tekanan dalaman.. which is saya tahu apa dan kenapa.. yang memburukkan keadaan bila kita tahu almost every thing but do nothing.. its sucks! may Allah ease this on me... and never let me here alone.. all alone.. I know that Allah will never do that... i always ask him not to.. and i'm sure he is just testing me.. i'm so sure. but this inner pressure feels so bad.
may be sebab saya malas mengaji.. may be sebab saya solat lambat... may be sebab saya lalai.. dan leka dengar lagu.. may be saya malas infaq.. may be saya skip duha selalu.. may be saya memain dengan qiyamullail..Allah kejut saya bangun, i prefer to bukak mata and tidur semula even tak mengantuk sangat..erghh.. banyaknya kelalain saya.. ni la antara punca terbesar hyperdepression yang saya alami sekarang... its only god who you can turn to ... but why you make him to be the lastest choice.. (i donno if there 'the lastest' word in the dictionary) but who cares. RIP grammar.
i'm writing this for myself, for the next time i want to write the same thing again my eyes will catch this post and feel bad about myself again for repeating the same mistake... all againn... again..again and again... sangat teruk bunyiknya.. but some people just learn life the hard way.
i feel like crying my eyes out... i fell like shouting to nothing.. i fell like throwing everything out of my grips... i feel like growing big great green ugly hulk. yeah.. it just an emotions.. waves of emotions..
Allahu akbar.. god please don't let me go.. please don't... T____T
19 dec 2013,
cold winter,
egypt.
i'm sorry to say that my life is getting harder from day to day ..
and i'm so sorry because i just have to write this on..
plus i know that no body is gonna read this site actually..
melainkan si nusaibah yang jarang2 nak bukak blog I.
but its okay.. saya suka nak type apa-apa travelog dalam microsoft word. tapi yang bestnya komputer saya jam soft ware tu.. jadi saya terpaksa type kat sini, bukan nak mintak simpati sesiapa.. tapi sebab saya memg kene tulis dan let it out.. just like that.. hmmm
saya rasa saya.. hypertension.. hyperdepresed dan semua la yang melibatkan tekanan..
terkini..saya sangat sangat sangat sangat cepat mengamuk..dan menyesal terus after that.. after all the yelling and shouting.. it look so silly and stupid and i never like myself that way.. never!..
now is winter.. the weather is so cold..super cold i mean..lecak is every where.. sebab lecak pon dah boleh mnyebabkan saya moody satu hari. kawan saya tak dengar saya cakap ape pon saya da boleh tarik muka.. cikgu saya nak tuka kelas pon saya da nak throw tantrum,.. gila ke..
tekanan dalaman.. which is saya tahu apa dan kenapa.. yang memburukkan keadaan bila kita tahu almost every thing but do nothing.. its sucks! may Allah ease this on me... and never let me here alone.. all alone.. I know that Allah will never do that... i always ask him not to.. and i'm sure he is just testing me.. i'm so sure. but this inner pressure feels so bad.
may be sebab saya malas mengaji.. may be sebab saya solat lambat... may be sebab saya lalai.. dan leka dengar lagu.. may be saya malas infaq.. may be saya skip duha selalu.. may be saya memain dengan qiyamullail..Allah kejut saya bangun, i prefer to bukak mata and tidur semula even tak mengantuk sangat..erghh.. banyaknya kelalain saya.. ni la antara punca terbesar hyperdepression yang saya alami sekarang... its only god who you can turn to ... but why you make him to be the lastest choice.. (i donno if there 'the lastest' word in the dictionary) but who cares. RIP grammar.
i'm writing this for myself, for the next time i want to write the same thing again my eyes will catch this post and feel bad about myself again for repeating the same mistake... all againn... again..again and again... sangat teruk bunyiknya.. but some people just learn life the hard way.
i feel like crying my eyes out... i fell like shouting to nothing.. i fell like throwing everything out of my grips... i feel like growing big great green ugly hulk. yeah.. it just an emotions.. waves of emotions..
Allahu akbar.. god please don't let me go.. please don't... T____T
19 dec 2013,
cold winter,
egypt.
